-
During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip
club at least once.
-
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each
other.
-
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing
St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.
-
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit
level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
-
The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or
give him 48 hours to finish the job.
-
All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
-
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk
you down.
-
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place -
noone will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to
any other part of the building undetected.
-
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure
they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.
-
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
-
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
-
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition,
even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
-
You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
-
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be
necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.
-
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his
forthcoming art exhibition.
-
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
-
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill
- just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact
fare.
-
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night,
you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
-
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange
noises in their most revealing underwear.
-
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every
morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
-
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
-
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
-
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK
stadium.
-
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
-
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
-
It is not necessary to hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone
conversations.
-
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to
turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
-
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are
visiting.
-
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
-
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by
dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
-
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will
never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
-
No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
-
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
-
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
-
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -
unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
-
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
