Excerpts From The Born Loser

By Bor N. Luser

"When I was born..the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my
father...I'm very sorry. We did everything we could...but he pulled through."

"When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up."

"What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!"

"I worked in a pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get."

"I remember the time I was kidnaped and they sent back a piece of my finger to
my father. He said he wanted more proof"

"I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing."

"Once when I was lost.. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find
my parents. I said to him...Do you think we'll ever find them?
He said..I don't know kid.. there are so many places they can hide."

"I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth
floor... so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said.. On your mark..."

"Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an ax!"

"I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette!"

"A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I
went over... Nobody was home!"

"I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to
have a few drinks and get some rest."

"My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him...If you don't mind I'd
like a second opinion...he said... Alright...you're ugly too!"